Memories

I don't have any memories of my father, Tim. In fact, the only thing I have from him is one picture taken when he was younger than I am now. I know he has strawberry blonde hair, and we share the same denim blue eyes. I am told that he is charming and intelligent, and could sell an Eskimo their own igloo.

The memories of my mother, Teri, are many moments shared talking. Some of my favorite times with my mother are doing the dishes after dinner. She would wash, I would dry, and we would sing. In my mind those moments and those songs sold 50 billion records. I also remember making my mother laugh like no one else could. Sometimes when her friends would come over to visit, she would have me act out my latest SNL skit. I used to try the silliest things just to get her laughing. I love my mother's laugh, and her singing voice.

I remember getting dressed up in frilly dresses and my shiny black church shoes, and going to fancy restaurants for dinner. My grandfather would quietly eat his steak, while gramie and I would tell stories to each other. Sometimes she would talk about her patients in the ICU, sometimes I would tell stories about playing at school, and sometimes we would just make up our own funny stories.

I remember getting a polaroid camera for my 5th birthday. I would take pictures of everything and anything. I would arrange all of the stuffed animals on my bed, take their picture, rearrange them, and take even more pictures. I would change my younger sister's clothes four times a day just to take pictures of her. I would try to sneak up on people to get candid photos, which was nearly impossible with a polaroid camera. I still have that camera, perhaps it's time to pass it on to my own aspiring photographer.

I remember learning to swim when I was about 8 years old, at State beach in Lake Havasu. Of course, there had been swimming lessons, but I didn't really pick up swimming. It was a big deal when I decided on my own to put my face in the water, and swim a few feet to shore. My poor gramie was walking out of the water at the time in front of me, and I bumped her so hard in her bum that she fell back into the water. She was pleased that I finally figured it all out, and we sat in the shallow water on the shore, just giggling. I remember the old jungle gym at the beach that was too hot to play on, but we would all dangle until it was too hot to hold onto the bars just to prove we were tough.

I remember when my mom married my step dad, and I felt like a princess in my lavender bridesmaid dress. I was a junior bridesmaid. I remember dancing with my step dad at the reception. I love my dad, (not step dad to me anymore). He would sing songs, and to this day I don't know if he just didn't know the words, or he just liked to make up his own words. It wasn't really Weird Al style, just made up his own sounds to go along with the music. He took us camping and fishing despite having two girlie girls for children. On one camping trip, I was the first one out of the tent in the morning, and was greeted with a rather large cow not one foot from my face. Of course, I screamed, waking the entire campsite. He didn't get mad, he just won't let me live it down. It's all in loving fun.

I remember when my dad's parents had their 50th wedding anniversary. I wore a dress that my gramie made for a prom my mother went to in high school. All of my aunts, uncles, and cousins were there. We danced, and danced. There were pictures shared of when my grandparents were younger. The story goes like this....Grandpa was being set up on a blind date with a nice jewish girl whose parents decided she couldn't go out with the handsome christian boy. The jewish girl was a friend of grandma's, and sent grandma on the date instead. The rest is romantic history busy with 5 children and alot of grand children.

I can still remember going to the hospital when my little sister was born. I was so excited because even then I wanted a baby. I would rock her and sing to her whenever I was allowed. As we got older we shared a room, and a love for watching scary movies together late at night. We fought and laughed like sisters do. I remember with great fondness one silly dance we created to make our parents laugh. We called it the bees are coming. I don't find it necessary to share specific details, but it was truly fun and funny.

So many memories of so many people. The fondness of life is created in moments and memories saved like photographs, vividly pictured, kept close to the heart.

Beginnings

I was born July 3, 1978 in Lake Havasu City, Arizona. As the story is told I was born by cesarean section after the doctor was called off his boat on the lake. My grandmother was there when I was born, and according to her, my mother has a beautiful uteris, thoughI can't recall. My mother was 19 years old, and my grandmother decided that she was entirely too young to be called grandma, so my pediatrician gave her the name Gramie.

On that day a new romance was born. I went home to live with my mother and grandparents. Ours was a full house, my uncle came home from college to stay before he started his new career, my great grandmother lived with us, my grandmother, my grandfather, and of course, new baby Amy Elizabeth.

My gramie tells stories of my uncle in his shorts and white shirt teaching the new baby in her diaper and white shirt the joys of ASU football. I remember with great fondness the house I spent my early childhood in. It was 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, with a sunken living room, and big picture windows. The front entry way had one wall that was completely mirrors and tile floor. A little girls tap dancing dream. Years later my sister and I would put on our own performances from the top step of the living room. The dining room was a warm place where conversation remained long after the plates were cleared and the leftovers put away. There was a painted mural on the wall of a beautiful mountain scene, and the kitchen was a big well lit place where gramie made many goodies. Eventually, they built on a room that had a fire place, and a cubby just for my favorite toys and books. The hallway had huge storage closets with big doors that I could open to block my bedroom door creating my own little hideaway.

Growing up with my grandparents to raise me at the time didn't seem easy to me, but I never lacked love. I went everywhere with my grandparents. My grandfather retired when I was little so he was home with me most of the time. He drove school carpool, and took me to ASU football games on the weekend. We always ate fast food when we came to the games, which was a big treat because we knew my Gramie wouldn't approve. I remember with great fondness going to Friday night fish fries, and coming home to watch Lawrence Welk with my grandfather. He always wanted what was best for me, and tried to teach me new things. There were swim lessons, golf lessons, religious education, dance lessons, and so many wonderful things.

My gramie worked as an ICU nurse, and it was amazing to watch the confidence and compassion she had when caring for her family and patients. She would sing songs with me, and we used to make up the most wonderful stories together. She made halloween costumes, and made goodies for bake sales. We giggled about nothing and everything.

There were vacations to Flagstaff every year. In the summer we would swim on sunny days. On rainy days there were trips to the library, and reading all afternoon long. It was the only time I was allowed to watch cable tv. There was horseback riding, fishing, and trips to the Grand Canyon. In the winter, Granddad would take me sledding. I had a fancy green sled that could be pulled by rope, or had handles so the sledder could steer or brake going down the hill.

Yes, my beginnings, though not without hardship, were joyfilled and loving, thanks to my grandparents.

My heart

From the day I was born you held my hand, and kept me in a special place close to your heart. You held my hand as I stumbled through my first steps. You sat with me through homework and dinner. You helped me grow with kindness and love. I was your bonus baby, and you are my angels. Now you need me to hold your hand so you don't stumble, and I will sit with you. You are my heart.

It is not easy to watch you grow older, or to care for you, as I am sure it was not easy for you to watch me grow older. I know it wasn't easy to care for me. I do know that you cared for me with joy and kindness, and perhaps even some tears. I will care for you with more joy, more kindness, and even some tears. You are my heart.

I will love you and hold your hand, until you leave this world for the next. I don't want you to go, but I will find joy in your rest. Just as you found joy in my new life. You let go, and I will too, but we will never be far from each other. You will still be my angels, my heart.